Behind These Hazel Eyes
by DreamerOfWorldss
Summary: Yuka is dead. Mikan, Natsume and the others all left the academy. but Mikan is not like she used to be, and Natsume just can't stand it...
1. Chapter 1

**I just saw the raw for chapter 137… I just couldn't stop crying, and I had to let it out somehow, then I remembered I wanted to try and write a one-shot about Mikan and Natsume, so I figured, why not. **

**I don't know Chinese so I have no idea what was said in the chapter, so anything I wrote isn't really a spoiler (aside from the fact Yuka is dead).**

**I know it is short and slightly OOC, but in a way, I also think its fit.**

**Hope you will like.**

**Behind these hazel eyes-**

_How can someone be truly happy when they lost everything? How can they keep on smiling and look cheerfully upon the world when they feel as if it had been taken from them? Taken before they even had the chance to really experience how things could be?_

It has been three months since Yuka's death. Three painfully long months. Natsume leaned tiredly on the wall, his eyes closed.

After the explosion at the high school everything was so hectic. Narumi and Shiki were at a state of shock, Luna suddenly turned against the ESP and his men, and Mikan… Mikan refused to come out of her haze.

They all escaped at the end- with Luna's help, it wasn't that hard- and were now in hiding. And yet, things haven't really turned up for the better.

"Natsume! You are back!" a familiar cheerful voice was heard. A second later, a warm, small body warped him in a hug.

"Mikan…"

"I was so worried about you guys! You were supposed to come back hours ago!" she smiled at him and took a step back. She smiled, but it hasn't reached her dull eyes.

Natsume clenched his fists. He felt so helpless. Mikan never once cried again after those few tears when she clung to her mother's lifeless body, refusing to appear weak again. On the outside she seemed to have returned to her cheerful, happy self, but Natsume knew it was a façade- a façade not unlike the one he himself kept all these years so as not to worry the people important to him. And anyone who knew Mikan could easily see the vulnerable state she was in- as if she could break any moment.

"Hn, there were people patrolling not far away from here, so we had to be careful," he explained.

"Was anyone hurt?"

"No."

She smiled again. "That's good."

It was really too much. Natsume couldn't stand seeing her like that! It was just so unfair…

"Mikan, you have to pull yourself together," he heard himself saying. "You can't pretend to be strong all the time-"

"Why?" she cut him, her voice almost angry. He stared at her, his crimson eyes narrowing. "Don't look at me like that! You don't understand! I have to move on, I can't let myself break!" she cried out suddenly, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "It's all my fault…" her voice wavered. "Why did mom have to die? I just found her, I wanted us to be together…" she choked on her words, lowering her gaze to the floor, her bangs hiding her eyes from him. "How can I miss so much something I never had? I don't even know if I have any right to cry…"

Natsume put his hand under her chin to make her look up at him. She bit her lip, trying to stop the tears from falling.

"It's okay; none blames you for anything, and won't blame you for crying. You have every right to be sad and hurt. And you don't have to pretend for our sake. You have to let your tears out before you can move on."

She shook her head. "I can't. I just can't stop hoping that maybe, somehow, I will just wake up and everything will be okay. But it won't. Nothing is, or will be, okay. I lost everything, Natsume".

"You didn't, little girl. You still have your friends. You have people who care about you and are worried about you."

She looked at him silently for a moment. Her eyes reflecting the lamp's light like twin, hazel mirrors.

_And you will always have me,_ he told her, using the telepath Alice stone still inserted into his body. _I won't ever leave you alone._

She let out a sharp, painful breathe, before she slammed into him and clenched his shirt, crying uncontrollably.

Natsume hugged her tightly, wishing he could somehow ease her pain, take it away. _I won't ever leave you,_ he swore silently. _Ever_.

They stood like that for a while, just taking comfort in the other's presence. Mikan wanted to tell him so many things; that she was grateful he was there with her, that she'd be lost without him, that she loved him…

"Ne, Natsume,"

"Hm?"

"I just wanted to say… thank you, for everything." He smiled, though she couldn't see.

"Whatever, polka-dots." She hit him on his shoulder, her face still buried in his chest. He was so warm. "Leave it to you to act like that in such moments," she murmured.

He chuckled.

_I love you, Natsume_.

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**I would like to hear your thoughts on this. I don't know what I feel about this story (I have zero experience on writing one-shots), so if you **_review_** it will be very much welcomed….**

**P.S. **please vote in the poll on my profile!

_Luv you all_

_**Evermore**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello people! It's been a while!=] so, I decided I'm not turning this fanfic into a long story, but every now and then I might update a chapter which focused on our favorite black cat and his slightly foolish loveXD**

**It can be considered a continuation of the previous chapter, though not necessarily.**

**The genres are the same, but Natsume and Mikan are around 17.**

**Warning:**** major OOCness!**

**Enjoy! ^_^**

**Behind These Crimson Eyes-**

Natsume stepped into his dark room, tired and injured. His side hurt like hell, and his right hand was pretty much useless. He just got back from another confrontation with the Academy's agents. It was never pretty.

But as always, he got through; and now he was back at his and his friends' new HQ that Hotaru somehow arranged.

He turned on the lights and watched unfazed as the all-too-familiar form of the one person for whom he will do anything appeared before him, sitting unmoving on his bed.

His magnificent crimson orbs met with Mikan's hazel ones for a quiet, tense, long moment. Then she averted her gaze from him, trying not to let her anger, hurt and worry display over her down casted face, failing miserably.

Natsume sighed softly; that was never a good sign.

"We already talked about it; we have to go out for patrols and to make sure we lead the academy the wrong direction, give them wrong leads, else we will be found out," he decided to break the heavy silence. "And as someone trained to work _for_ the Academy, I'm the most familiar with their ways of dealing with similar situation. I have to be part of the departing groups."

"You don't _have_ to do _anything_, Natsume," Mikan's voice was low and hard. "It's your decision."

"Then it's my decision to go."

She looked back at him suddenly, her eyes blazing. "I hate that you do that! Why are you always hurting yourself, Natsume? Wasn't it you who told me to smile, to be strong, to never lose hope? And yet you keep on putting yourself in harm's ways! I _hate_ you!"

A small, crooked smile played at the corner of the raven head's mouth. She was being unreasonable again.

"Mikan-"

"Don't you 'Mikan' me! You know what, Natsume?" Mikan looked at the injured and bleeding stoic teen with a blank look, her hazel eyes full of anger, though her expression was one of indifference. "You are just selfish, acting like such a martyr. You like thinking of yourself as one, don't you?" she accused harshly.

"Mikan-"

"No! You take all the blame, all the pain, all the burden and you think you do it for us, your so-called 'loved ones'. But do you really think by doing so you protect us? You're hurting us! You act like some high-and-Mighty distant and cold person, while you silently sacrificing everything for us. You suffer, you bleed, yet you never cry, never complain… but do you think we will be happy that way? You acting like that; it's plain selfish. If you really loved us- me- you'd let us in, let _me_ share your pain and happiness alike. But you choose to carry this burden alone, trying to be some self-sacrificing, selfless saint! Well, think again, 'cause you are far from being one! You are a selfish bastard, self-centered-"

The rest of her heated speech was cut short by Natsume's lips claiming her own. His warm hand- the uninjured one- stroked her face gently; wiping tears she didn't even noticed falling.

It was a fierce kiss; filled with all their frustration, and pain, and desperate need for each other.

"Mikan…" Natsume whispered softly against her ravished lips.

"I'm sorry…" she sniffed, her face down-casted once more. He put a hand under her chin and forced her to look up at him. Her eyes were closed, refusing to meet his.

"Look at me, Mikan," her name on his lips managed to sent a shiver down her spin, like always; she loved hearing him call her name.

Reluctantly, she opened her beautiful hazel eyes to look straight into his startling, mesmerizing crimson ones.

"It doesn't matter what happens to me, because I know I have you. It doesn't matter how I act toward others, because you know the real me. And whatever I have to 'suffer'… well, I don't see it as suffering, nor do I think of myself as a martyr, a saint- especially not a saint; I'm _choosing_ to protect you the only way I know of- by fighting. And I can assure you I certainly do not enjoy nor like pain. And saying I suffer would suggest I don't believe in what I'm doing and the reason I'm doing so; but that's not how it is. You have to understand."

He watched her with such intensity; Mikan had to remind herself to breath. Their gazes, so full of unspoken emotions, were locked on each other to never avert.

Finally, she nodded. Natsume sighed, a ghost of a smile forming on his sensual lips, and gathered her into his strong arms, embracing her while ignoring the searing pain in his right side.

It wasn't their first argument, and definitely not their last, but as long as they knew how to make up, as long as they remembered what was really important- fighting maybe wasn't so bad.

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**Sooo… did like? Was it good? Please **review** and tell me!**

**P.S. chapter 139 is sooo depressing, don't ya think? Argh. I cried once again (what a crybaby!XD). Can't believe the final arc begins next month...**

**Luv ya guys! See ya!**

****Evermore****


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